So things were going pretty well. Everyone seemed happy. Well, then I started to then have time to think about myself...for once....and do what I am suppose to do. And I did. I don't know why I did because everytime I think about my life and things I want...things alwasy go sour. The first thing I thought about, of course, were friends. Well that is a very long list and I will try to keep it low. My views on Carrilyn have now become that we are friends. The wierd feeling is pretty much gone and I ranted to her about things, so I don't think I have to worry in that department. I got dumbed by my ex. bf and now he wants to get back together, and I'm like, uhh...NO!!! And now I have a gf. The only problem about that is there are some restrictions on it that I'm not use to...but I guess I will just have to. I really like her and she is kewl, but yeah...if I go into more detail it gets way too confusing even for me. Then My friend Nate is all weird. He, thank god, doesn't hang out with us anymore. I use to want him to because everything was kewl with that. I think that i might have liked him for god knows what reason, but now I can see him for the ass that he is. He thinks that I am talking behind his back, like always, and he hasn't realized that I have no need to do that. But whatever, that is his decision. Not only that, but last year he was switching friends. We went to Walden West and I got the T-shirt, but I think i want to throw that out. I mean, there are so many memories that are behind the scenes that I don't understand why i still have it up. Then with the subdivision of friends....there was the whole thing with my room yesterday. I was getting mad about it because I still hadn't gotten rid of the picutes of me and carrilyn at the winterball dance and it was taring my heart apart. Not only that but I still have the heart drawing she made that has out inicials in it. Then stupid me I kept some of the poems we wrote to each other and I started to feel horrible by reading themn again. She is also connected to the Walden West shirt and the wall scroll and the Faname recite and five million other things. I guess it was just that i needed to let go but I couldn't do it. Well, I exploded last night. My room was messy because of my parents had their things in it, and so I threw them out the window because I can keep my things in my room, so they should keep their things in the house except my room. so yeah. that was its own little thing. Then back to friends, there is the whole thing with Bibbitt and Bradly. No matter what I try and tell myself, I can't shake the feeling that they are going out again. They have done it before and it tore me up that she couldn't tell me. I know she keeps saying that she would tell me if they were, but there is still that rememberance of feeling betrayed. She also stayed at his house last night and I was going to kill him because of that. I know there is this whole thing she keeps saying which is that they didn't do anything, but I wish i could be 100% sure of that....but yeah. I just hate brad soooooo much. Then there are a few other things inclueding three best friends dieing and then Vienna getting dumped and thinking she is pregnant and so much more in that one section than I want to get into. The next thing that I started thinking about was family. I realized that I am happier with my dad, but everything is fake. He is different around me and I can tell. Then his bf is okay, but they say FUCK way too much and it is annoying. they also think they are funny, and they are some of the stupidest things I have heard in my life. Then his son is just a dipshit and I hate him but he doesn't realize that. Then there is my mom. Mom and I are totally going at it right now. Arguments even more than usual to the point where I am finally speaking my mind instead of saying that it is all my fault. I am sick of her and her stupid...whatever she wants to call them. Then ben, and me and him are confusing. Simply put, I hate him and he thinks i'm kewl...so whatever....Then there is the baby, that is okay but I don't like looking out for him all the time...luckily I don't really all that often, but it is still a nucence when I do. With all of that, I just exploded yesterday. I am under a lot of stress and people are not making anything easier on me....but that is how my life has turned 180 degrees....